Why is it that we can find it so easy to speak first and ask questions later?
James 1:19-20 says “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
There are so many aspects of this verse as a whole that are incredibly challenging, but today my attention was drawn to the first part. Listening and speaking. Too frequently I am just the opposite of what this verse describes. Instead of being quick to listen and slow to speak, I am quick to speak and slow to listen.
In fact, just recently I was having a conversation with someone who was telling me about a situation they were in that was just crazy, and they wanted to tell me about it because they trusted me. I was trying to work on something while we were talking, and we were interrupted several times in the midst of our conversation.
After repeated interruptions, and without giving him the focused listening that this incredibly serious situation required I started giving him advice and telling him what he should have done differently. As you may easily imagine, the conversation didn’t really go well from there. I ended up calling him later that day to appologize for how I handled the situation.
I simply wasn’t fully listening. I wanted to skip that part; I wanted to move on to the part of the dialogue where I start giving advice. I thought I knew what to say without hearing all the details.
I don’t think my condition is unique.
Many of us seem to think that it’s more helpful to give advice or to speak than to simply listen.
Yet we all know from being on the other side of conversations that sometimes listening is the most powerful think we can do to help someone. If words are needed, they are needed only after first listening and understanding.
Far too many times I find myself with my foot in my mouth and regretting a situation when I spoke too quickly. Sometimes this is due to careless joking or playfulness, but more often it’s due to well intended, and even accurate advice, but advice given in an unhelpful way, or an inappropriate time.
Too frequently we say the right thing, but at the wrong time. When given at the wrong time our well-intended advice can come across as an added weight on the individual rather than a blessing.